snapdragon76: this is made of win and awesome (Default)
I’ve been trying to do more paper journaling as a way to dump out a lot of my feelings as they happen so that I can find ways to deal with them. Needless to say, I’ve been writing a lot. It’s this whole damn job situation.

Naturally, I’m plagued with tons of self-doubt and all kinds of crap. I’m beginning to think that I may have made of made a mistake in changing my career. No one seems to want to hire me in any capacity. I keep thinking I’m being punished for something for some reason. I don’t know what.

It’s not like I’m asking to be a millionaire. I just want a comfortable life. A job I enjoy, a home of my own, a car, planning for the future, good health, and enough to be able to enjoy my hobbies. Just like everyone else. How hard is that?

I’m starting to feel resentful for those who tell me that God has a plan for me. Is that so? I wish He’d let me in on it. I’m sick and tired of feeling this way. I’m sick and tired of not being able to even get a new pair of glasses. Of not being able to get my teeth fixed. Of not being able to even get my hair cut. I mean, is this supposed to be my purpose in life? Karma’s punching bag?!

I try not to bleed out my feelings onto social media too much. Which is one of the reasons I keep an offline journal. Still, sometimes I do and I hope others don’t think that I’m trying to elicit sympathy or something. I dunno…

I’m trying to distract myself by knitting and reading and coloring and stuff like that. It helps, but it’s not a cure. I do take meds, but I don’t know if they are as effective as they once were.

I’m mostly posting this to keep those of you who still read this updated on what’s been going on. Pretty much the same as ever. Nothing looks to change anytime soon.
snapdragon76: Starlight by Muse (starlight)
I am sick and tired of being the Universe's butt monkey. We're losing our cable and internet access this week due to the fact that neither mom nor I have enough money to pay for it. The cable I can deal with, but with no internet access, I'm even more cut off from the world than I normally am. I mean, I can't check my emails, use YouTube or Netflix. I can't even access my DVR. It sucks. I mean, how is this my life now? I was supposed to be working as a librarian by now, and here I am, stuck living at home, barely able to scrape by. I've been living hand to mouth for way too long. I'm 40 years old, dammit! I'm supposed to be living like an adult!

I honestly don't understand why life keeps shitting on me over and over and over again. All I want is a basic, simple kind of life. A home of my own, financial independence, a career I'm happy with, maybe some time to travel and pursue some of my hobbies. Not this perpetual cycle of bullshit.

I'm mostly angry at myself. I mean, if I had a job by now, I could contribute more to the household and maybe we wouldn't be struggling just to find food to eat or trying to pay our bills like normal people. And this whole cycle has done a major number on my mental health. I've had more dips in my mood these past few months than I ever have since being diagnosed with Depression. It might be partially environmental, but I dunno if my brain chemistry has changed or not. I can't go to the doctor's to find out since apparently we're persona non grata amongst our small group of friends and we can't get rides anywhere.

I can see why people who are poor can sometimes think they're being punished. I get that feeling sometimes myself. I don't know what we're being punished for. If this is because I've started drifting away from my faith than I'm not even sure I want to be a part of a faith that advocates punishing their followers in such a way.

So, needless to say, my activities online will be limited for awhile. I still have my phone, but I don't know how much my data plan will support my activities until we can get back online. I'm going to try to do as much as I can today while I still have access.

Some birthday, huh?
snapdragon76: My Chinese Zodiac sign (Japanese dragon)
I sometimes wonder if I annoy people by talking so much about my depression. Maybe that in itself is my depression talking. It seems to be getting slightly worse, what with the job hunt going on and facing rejection after rejection. Most people brush it off and move on. For me, it seems so much worse. Like, maybe there is something about me that is inherently unhireable about me. Maybe I'm simply supposed to live a life of poverty for the rest of my life.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it. It sucks. And while I haven't had any suicidal thoughts, a part of me has wished to die. More than once. I know therapy might help, but I don't know if I can afford it or not. Maybe I need a medication change. I might discuss it with my GP when I see her at the end of the month.

It's hereditary. My dad has depression and I think my mom might have it as well, but she doesn't seem to want to admit it.

I interviewed for a part-time job at the library in a neighboring town. It's something I'd be good at and that I'd like to do. It'd give me the much-needed experience that other employers seem to think I lack. But, I don't know if I'll get it. It seems that no one wants me to work for them and why should this be any different. People keep saying they'll “pray for me” or that “God will put me where I'm supposed to be.” Bullshit. I don't know if I believe that anymore. I wonder why I seem to be clutching so desperately to a belief that hasn't been doing me much good lately. All those people who seem to say that we bring this all on ourselves because our faith isn't strong enough can go straight to hell. Or maybe not. If I'm destined for the Dark Doorway, maybe I don't want to see them down there with me.

Maybe al of the posts I do documenting my depressive episodes are a cry for attention. Maybe I just want to see if anyone out there still cares.
snapdragon76: *slurrrrp* (Tea!)
…Not just any witch, but a Christian Witch. Sound a bit contradictory? Yes, but they are out there.

I’ve been kind of ‘toying’ with the idea for a little while. I’ve always been fascinated with the craft of witchcraft (LOL), but having been raised Christian, it seemed wrong somehow to even entertain the idea. As it stands, I still cannot let go of my monotheistic background, and a large part of me doesn’t want to.

Still, after doing a little research, I discovered there was a sect of witches known as Christian Witches. They still worship God and Jesus, only they use the rituals of the craft in order to enhance (is that the right word?) their worship.

Many witches are polytheistic in their rituals, but instead of making altars to and offering prayers to different Gods and Goddesses, I’d just be praying to the Trinity of God. God has three different parts: God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit. While there calls for a feminine aspect of many of the rituals, I don’t believe the Holy Spirit has a specific gender. Technically God doesn’t either since He’s God and omniscient and all, but He’s been given the Father title, I felt I should continue to see Him as the masculine side. Jesus is His own person, the human part of God.

Anyway, I haven’t told anyone I’ve been contemplating this since many still see witchcraft as something evil. I think I’d prefer to be surrounded by good witches and Wiccans over many so-called “Christians”. I do have a few friends who are Pagans, but I don’t know if they’re necessarily witches or not. I reached out to one of them for a little advice and hopefully, she can help.

My belief is that God created everything on the earth, and why wouldn’t it be infused with some of His spirit and life force. I think it’d be a respectful way of honoring God and His creation with ceremony and rituals.

My one problem is that I have no money to get the things I’d need, like for the altar and the spells et al. So, I might have to practice “in theory” for the time being. I know there are some who make travel altars to take with them and I may do that, once I find the tin and the other things I’d need. I especially can’t do it while I live with my mother. She’s pretty open-minded, but I doubt she’d be as understanding with this as she has been about my sexuality and my political stance.

I have to back-burner things for now, but I hope once I am able to get a steady income that I can get started on doing the necessary things I’ll need to do in order to become a full-fledged Christian Witch. So I have a secret Pinterest board on the various rituals and materials needed for witchcraft. Wish me luck!

Oh, And I think my witch name would be Amethyst Moon. I definitely feel like a Moon Witch.
snapdragon76: Knights of Cydonia (koc_muse)
I’m going to try to make more of an effort to do regular blogging. Especially since more people will likely migrate to here from LJ (see previous post).

Sometimes it sucks being stuck inside of your own head. My moods have been pretty regular lately, so I don’t have much to complain about in general, but there are moments when my depression and anxiety like to remind me that they are still around.

I got to thinking about how I feel that my family tends to not take me seriously, especially my cousins. It doesn’t help that I’m the youngest of my cousins and so there is this tendency to still think of me as just a snot-nosed little kid, despite the fact that I’ve been an adult for over 20 years now…

I don’t think it helps that I’m not married or have children. So my opinion and insight seem to fall on deaf ears. I tend to think my mom feels the same way from time to time. Granted, I don’t have as much experience adulting as my elders, but I’m not exactly new at this. I was trying to tell my mom to sit and relax and not take her frustrations out on other objects and the like (more on why later), but she laughed me off. Like I’m still this little kid who doesn’t know better and is playing at being a grown-up.

I will say, that there are situations that make me feel as though I don’t know what I’m doing, like where I’m the only adult in a situation, but hopefully that’ll pass eventually. But, I digress…

In other news, the reason mom was so frustrated this morning was because we got a phone call from the clinic where I get my Remicade treatment saying that, since I changed doctors and they didn’t get the proper authorizations, my treatment FOR TOMORROW is canceled. Keep in mind, my appointment to establish with a new GI was THREE WEEKS AGO, and they were sent the authorization at the same time. Why didn’t they inform us of this sooner where we could’ve had more time to make arrangements, I have no idea.

So there was a lot of back and forth going on between the clinic and the insurance company about prior authorizations and much frustrations as a result. Needless to say, the end result is that I don’t get my treatment tomorrow like I need to until I contact my GI office and get into where they have privileges in case things go belly up. When that will happen, I have no idea. Hopefully, I can hang on until things get resolved. I swear, I hate the state of health care in this country, and if Trumplethinskin and his cronies get their way, it’ll only get worse. People who have mental health issues are getting worse and it’s no wonder…

Sooooo, I’m trying to be more Zen about the whole thing (and mom needs to as well), but things keep going down the crapper. Hopefully, I can survive the rest of this year…
snapdragon76: Knights of Cydonia (koc_muse)
I went to a job fair today that was for educators and future educators at my alma mater. I think things went pretty well. I went around to the different tables and got some information from the various schools and districts.

There were a few home health businesses, which I thought a bit odd since this job fair was for teachers and others in the education field. Another thing that surprised me was the fact that there weren't any representatives from the city school district, nor the local county. You'd think there would be since they were local and that these future educators may want to have some options closer to home. Whatever...

I was pretty proud of myself for being very professional. I shook hands and introduced myself and would ask the necessary questions. Some of them were unable to say whether or not there would be any librarian positions open, but to check back in the summertime when the majority of the postings would be available. Some said there would be some retirements coming, so to check back in a few months.

I did get swag and lots of other information, like salaries and information about the schools. I handed out all of my employment information, like my cover letter, my resume, my test scores and license information. Most just had resumes, but I figure if I can give them more information, that's less they have to look into and it's stuff that can be on hand as they look through all the piles of resumes they got.

The weather isn't very cooperative lately. While it's been pretty warm most of the week, today was cooler than usual and I got a headache on top of it all. I seem to be getting a lot of migraines in the springtime due to the up and down weather patterns. I wish things would level out so that my head can be at peace for once.

My knitting has been getting better. I still haven't figured out socks, but I've been practicing my magic loop circular knitting and I've gotten the hang of it, for the most part. I just got to keep at it and keep getting better.
snapdragon76: (Alphonse Mucha)
The time has come, it seems, to say a final farewell to LiveJournal once and for all.

This isn't just because I haven't been writing on it as much as I used to. It's something faaaaaar more sinister.

Here is a good post on Tumblr as to why people are jumping ship over to DreamWidth. Basically, the Russian-owned LJ updated their TOS to exclude things considered illegal to the Russian government, including LGBT+ content.

I admit that I haven't posted in quite some time, mostly because others had stopped. I never made the complete move over to DW, mostly because most of the people I followed on LJ weren't on DW. Hopefully, this will change and more of my friends will migrate over.

I made an account over on DW a few years ago, mostly as a backup for LJ and not as the main journal. Accounts are free unless you want a premium (which I may decide to do in the future). I did stop having a paid account over on LJ last year sometime, mostly because I didn't have the money for one. Now, I'm glad I no longer have a paid account there. I don't know what this means for the people who have permanent accounts there.

DreamWidth does have a way to transfer over all of your entries to their site (which is included in the above link). So, given the state of things involving the Russian government, it's probably for the best to make the move. This is nothing against the Russian people themselves, mostly the government and its leader.

So, this will be my last entry ever on LJ. I'll still keep my account active for the time being, especially since there are some pictures on some of my entries which cannot be moved over automatically with the transfer and will be missing if the account itself is deactivated and deleted. But, I will no longer be posting on there.

It's rather bittersweet to leave, especially since I made quite a few friends over there that I still have and maintain contact with.

RIP my LJ account: 2004-2017
snapdragon76: this is made of win and awesome (Default)
OK, I'm feeling a smidgen of rage right now, and I feel the need to let it out, so bear with me.

It might be a bit long, so I'll put it under a cut.

Read more... )

In other news, we will be moving. We were approved for the apartment, so all we need to do is pay the security deposit and the first month's rent and sign the lease and it'll be official. That's some additional stress. While I want to move and am happy about this, I dislike the actual process of moving. The packing, the physical transfer of our stuff from one place to another and the unpacking. Plus, we'll be doing this in January, and I'm not looking forward to moving in the winter. Hopefully things will go smoothly, but my Anxiety (once again) likes to rear it's ugly head now and then and give me stress. Nnnnnngggg...

We're holding off on making it public until we sign the lease and all of that.

That's it for now. Hopefully 2017 won't be a total custerfuck, but I'm not holding my breath. And sorry about the ranting...
snapdragon76: (Alphonse Mucha)
In case you haven't heard by now, America decided to vote into the highest office in the land, a racist, misogynistic, xenophobic, vile human being.

Our country will be set back by decades, if not more, with this man in office. All the hard work we've achieved over the past few years will be undone. My heart is broken for all of the marginalized and disenfranchised of this country. Sadly, I was once friends with many of the biggest supporters of Trump. Deep down, I think they are overall decent people that have been deceived by his empty promises and lies. Maybe that makes me naïve, I don't know.

For me, this doesn't change anything. I will still fight against injustice. I will still strive to support my LGBT community, the Muslim community, the black community, the Hispanic community, the disabled community, the lower income community, the scientific community, and the women of this country. My brothers. My sisters. Myself.

I will not give into my anger, my despair, my outrage. I will use that energy to keep speaking out and continuing the uphill struggle for equality for everyone. For treating people like human beings, regardless of their skin color, gender, religious affiliation or sexual orientation.

All I ask from you is to be kind to your neighbor. Your LGBT neighbor, your Muslim neighbor, your black neighbor, and even your racist neighbor. I will not be brought down to their level. I will be better than that. I will rise above and hold my head up high.

Be good to yourself. And each other.
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snapdragon76: <3 Kenshin! (Kenshin)
OK, so there's a slight chance we may be moving.

Here's the breakdown. Friends of ours live in an adult-only apartment complex that is based on income. Since mom is the only one who is over 55, it'd be based on her SSI that she receives. This is good since she'd be living there on her own eventually anyway. Our rent is currently $800.00 a month. I usually pay the rent with my monthly annuity, which basically takes all of my money. However, if we get this new apartment, it'd be cut in half, if not more.

It's much smaller than our condo, and there is no garage and no basement. However, with the money we'd save on rent (which mom would be paying instead of me), I can get a storage unit for the extra stuff we have and still have money left over. For me, it'd most likely be temporary, because once I find a job (God willing), I'd eventually move out on my own and mom would have the place to herself.

We took a tour today and found the apartment to be very nice. It has a laundry room and an elevator, which would help mom out considerably since it's on the second floor. I'd have to try and re-work my space issues with my stuff, but I think I can figure out something. Plus, I'd get my own bathroom again, which I miss since living here.

The area isn't all that far from where we are now. While we're currently on the South side of town, this is closer to the North side and we'd have to get re-oriented to where things are located.

It shouldn't be too difficult for us to qualify. While I'm not thrilled at the prospect of moving again, I think it's the best for both of us, since it'd save so much on money and maybe I can get ahead financially and can save some money for when I move out on my own. Ad I know it'd be a load off of mom's mind since she was always so worried that she'd have to find a place that was less than reputable for her to live in eventually. This place is nothing like that.

So prayers and good blessings that things will fall into place as needed. While we're far from being homeless, it's been quite the struggle to keep up with bills and rent and everything lately and moving here would help us out quite a bit. Plus, there are people we know who live there and that would be nice for us in many ways.

I'm not gonna mention anything about it on social media until things are finalized and I tell my immediate family what our new address would be.

No news on the job front. Maybe next year? I dunno. I don't know if others have as much difficulty with trying to find employment in my career choice or if it's just my luck. Maybe I'm meant to wait a certain period of time until after the potential move and mom's possible knee surgery next Spring? I just wish I had a little heads up as to what the plan is so that I can rest easy. Augh, so much uncertainty!!

I voted early last week, so hopefully this dumpster fire of an election will prove to be fruitful for the right people. I'll be honest, Trump in the White House terrifies me on so many levels. #ImWithHer
snapdragon76: (Last Unicorn)
Things are going pretty steadily right now. I don't have my part-time job anymore. Some crap about not getting enough rates per hour and stuff. I actually think I may have mentioned this in a previous post.

I'm waiting to get my final paycheck, which I hope comes soon. I'm also looking into finding a freelance proofreading job if I can find one. Despite the fact that I have no experience, I'm pretty sure I can be pretty good at it since I tend to proofread a lot of other things for people. I was a beta reader for fics some time ago, so it's something I feel comfortable doing.

Still no luck on the career-type job search. I'll still keep looking, but I might not have much luck until the next school year. Considering this one just started, it may be awhile. In the meantime, I have more free time now, and I'm going to take advantage of it. Re-learn to knit, do some coloring, read, catch up on some television shows I recorded, etc...

I did see about being a librarian at an International school overseas, but it's very hard to get into and they ideally want people with experience, which seems to be my undoing no matter what country I try to work in.

Mom started her class last week. She seems to be enjoying it so far. I go with her on Tuesdays so that we can go to the community center for a game of Mexican Train Dominoes afterward. It's fun. I take my laptop and go to the library while mom is in class.

We're officially in September and I hope the weather starts to cool off more. We've been getting a lot of rain lately and while it hasn't been helpful for my migraines, barometric pressure and all, it's been good for the garden and the greenery, so I can't complain too much.

I'm gonna sign off now. Hopefully, I can update on a more regular basis, depending on what's going on in my life.
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snapdragon76: I like reading. A lot. (Harry Potter books)
This has been a rough 24 hours for me. I never heard back from the school I interviewed with and that usually tells me that they decided to hire someone else. A phone call or an email would've still been nice instead of leaving me hanging. It just doesn't seem very professional to do that to someone who applied for a position with you.

So another rejection triggered a major depressive episode that I still haven't fully recovered from. Being plagued with self-doubt with a smidgen of self-loathing sprinkled in isn't the best way to spend an evening. On top of all of this, the online company I was working for decided to cancel my contract with them because apparently, I wasn't rating things as perfectly as they would've liked me too. Although the email they sent was pretty nice, praising my professionalism through it all.

I did think that the end of this job meant an opening for a library position somewhere, but I guess not. I decided to step away from my social media accounts for a little while until I've fully dealt with this latest episode. Plus, I got tired of people trying to tell me how to handle my rejection. Just because something worked for one person, doesn't mean it'll work for me. I will send an email to the principal saying I appreciated him taking time out of his day to interview me (and others).

I may try to look for another online job in something like proofreading or something. I'll give myself a little bit of a break before I do, though...
snapdragon76: Zach rocking the 360 cameras at the MTV Movie Awards (Zach 360)
I have an interview tomorrow afternoon for the Media Center at a high school in Greeneville. Media Center is basically the library, but since most people think of libraries as just having books instead of a place to do research and other activities, they're usually called Library Media Centers.

Anyway, Greeneville is about an hour away from us on the south side of town, so we're probably gonna leave two hours early to account for traffic. While I've applied to many other places, this is the first one to actually ask for an interview. So, who can say what will happen? Even though school has already started in many places, I guess they never found anyone yet. There will be a committee of people doing the interview, and now just the principal, so it's a little bit nerve-wracking, but I'm trying to maintain my cool.

Hopefully, this will lead to something, because I have a feeling my part-time job is close to an end. They put me up for review because they say I'm not rating enough in the time given. Bullshit. I make sure I get in over the minimum amount every day.

Maybe it's just as well. I hadn't planned on keeping this job for very long anyway and it was beginning to get tedious. I'm trying not to put the cart before the horse here, but who can say what will happen. Mom did say she's expressed an interest in doing it since she could use some extra money and since it's a job you can do while at home, it'd be a good fit. She also signed up to do some auditing for some classes at the university. A lot of the seniors at the community center she plays cards with have done it and they seemed to enjoy it. You can take classes without paying tuition, but you also don't get any credit for them. Mostly just so that you can learn something new if you want. She wants to take photography classes, but there's a required art composition class she has to take before she can take the one she really wants. I told her it'd be useful since photography does need composition.

If I do get the job in Greeneville, I'll have to move closer since the commute will be easier and I don't have to get up quite so early and have to wrestle with traffic as much. But, like I said, I'm trying not to put the cart before the horse. So any good wishes, prayers and the like would be appreciated sometime around 3:30 EST.

I'll be glad one this election is over (or not, depending on the outcome). I'm tired of all the ugliness I see, especially on social media. I've been taking a small break from Twitter and the like because I need it. The timing is bad due to the Olympics, but it can't be helped.

Once I know how everything went, I'll post another update!
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snapdragon76: Did I mention that I like reading? (books)
Wow. It's been awhile since I posted on here.

I don't think 2016 is gonna be my year. Well, so far, 2016 hasn't been a great year all around. I'm thinking more professionally on my account. Despite many efforts, I haven't had any job bites so far. The school year will be starting soon and at this point, I don't think it's gonna happen. I've been trying to keep my hopes up and my options open, but it's been for nothing. Maybe I should take the first thing that's offered to me instead of holding out for something I really want. Hey, what's being unhappy over a steady income? I never knew that trying to find a job would be this difficult, at least for me. Others who graduated already have jobs. Maybe I'm just a loser who no one wants to hire...

Sorry, got a little dark there. People keep giving unsolicited advice to me, like maybe I need to volunteer somewhere. While that would be nice, I can't give up my paying part-time job. Maybe I should. I mean, who needs to pay for food and bills and the like?

This whole job search isn't good for my mental health, I gotta say...

The extra income is nice for one thing: I can go out and do some more things other than staying home all the time. Not just going to the bookstore and the like, but some of the summer programs that the area has. So, there's that I guess.

I'm gonna stop here before I depress myself further.
snapdragon76: (Last Unicorn)
Today was kind of a bad day today. I'm feeling very frustrated with the job prospects out there and while most of the time I try to remain positive, today everything just came to a head and all of my emotions kind of came to the forefront. I try not to angst too much on social media, but it kind of all came out and now I'm worried people will think I'm just being a complainer.

I know people mean well, but sometimes the advice they give isn't really all that helpful. Like a few are saying that I need to try substitute teaching or something. I don't want to teach. I want to work in the library. If I wanted to teach, I would've become a teacher. My social anxiety prevents me from doing it. Others are saying I should broaden my search to outside the library. And do what? I have a degree in being a school librarian.

I don't even know anymore. Mom keeps saying to hang in there and that God has a plan and a place for me. I'm not seeing it. I wish that I could know something about what's going on. It's frustrating. No one wants to take a chance on me. You pretty much have to know someone or have been in the education field for someone to hire you. What about those of us who wanted a career change outside of education? Where is our place? Why won't you hire us? Give us a chance?

I hate not knowing and all of this uncertainty. I keep saying about all of the things I want to do once I get a 'full time job' but I don't know if that will happen now.
snapdragon76: (Alphonse Mucha)
I apologize for not posting much. I have a busy schedule with my part time job and doing various errands and whatnot during the daytime. The evening usually consists of me catching up on my non-work related internet time. I think I spend waaaaay too much time online and not enough doing my other hobbies, like reading and knitting. I'm going to try and remedy that. We'll see how successful I am. I tend to get sucked into websites like TVTropes, Cracked or Buzzfeed. Occasionally Wikipedia, but not as much anymore. I also listen to some podcasts, so that takes up some of my free time as well.

I applied to another job at a local school. It's about 30 minutes away (in good traffic). It's not a huge school, but it's not a small one either. It's about mid-sized. It's a high school, which is where I want to try to get in. I still have applications out to two high schools in Knox County yet, and I haven't heard from any of them as of yet. Maybe within the next few weeks since school is ending and the principals and the HR staff can find the time to go through applications.

Being at a local school would be pretty nice, since I wouldn't have to worry about finding a place to live right away and I can maybe save up to find a place after I've been working for a year and they find they like me. So keep fingers crossed, prayers flying and good vibes a-comin' my way that I'll get a job soon-ish!

Mom has been having a good time with the friends she made from her card group. I'm glad. I was a little worried that she wouldn't do much of anything once she retired and since we moved to a new state, we didn't know much of anyone and the people we do know here are busy with their own lives. I tag along sometimes too, like for karaoke nights. I don't sing, but I like to watch and listen and be supportive. It's pretty fun, but by the end of the evening, my introvert batteries are starting to majorly drain and I'm usually ready to leave.

Mom has been getting her knee injections and they seem to be helping. She not walking lopsided anymore. She's also able to do more things with greater ease, which is nice. Her hip was hurting as a result of her walking off kilter because of her knee, but the ortho doctor said it should feel better once her gait improved. Maybe once the summer rolls around, we can start to do more things like we were doing before.

My part time job is still going. There are some aspects of it that can be tedious, but that's any repetitive job. But, the extra money is nice to have and it enables me to be able to do things that I wouldn't be able to do otherwise. I just have to remember to remain focused and not to let my attention stray too much so that I can get the requisite amount of reviews done in the time allotted. I doubt I'll be able to continue once I get a full time position, since I wouldn't have the time, but that's at least a few months away yet. I also have to remember to fill out the forms I need to defer my student loan payments for at least another few months until I start a full time job. They do offer income based repayments, which I think is the best way to go for me right now.

It's a busy year for movies! Now that I have some extra income, I don't have to wait to see summer films until who knows when (I still have yet to see Inside Out). Ghostbusters is one I want to see as well as X-Men Age of Apocalypse and Finding Dory. I think there are a few others coming out (like the Independence Day sequel) that I may see as well. I also have my 40th birthday in a few months which I'd like to have a big shindig for, but we'll see what is in store come the end of July.

Which reminds me, I'm also due for my colonoscopy sometime this summer. Not something I'm looking forward to, but such is life with a chronic illness.

That's all for now! I'll try not to be so long between entries.
snapdragon76: this is made of win and awesome (Default)
We got the car fixed!! Thanks to a dear friend who came over and took care of it for us. Granted he had to go by a YouTube tutorial, but it worked and now we can drive once again! I still need to get a newer car at some point, especially once I start working. But, that's a ways away yet, so I'm not gonna fixate on it right now...

I think I need a fundamentalist detox. Some of the people I went to church with down in Florida, while overall pretty decent people, they are still so very narrow-minded about so many things. Someone posted about Target making their bathrooms gender neutral for people who are trans, and there was a big uproar about it! Mostly from dude-bros with hunting rifles who threaten to 'hurt anyone with a penis who dares share a bathroom with my fragile wives and daughters!' Mostly they were talking about the guys who want to abuse the system by 'claiming' to be trans men (while looking decidedly like cis men) and raping and fondling women. There was definite trans misogyny going on. I was very polite with my response, saying that all anyone who is trans wants to do is use the bathroom in peace, like everyone else. Naturally this was when the trolls came out. Saying, 'If God gave you a penis, then you were meant to have a penis!' I had to stop receiving notifications after that or else I would've let my emotions get the better of me.

I did make it a point to post on my own page, that the likelihood of those who molest women and children are straight, cisgender males, not anyone from the LGBTQA community. This is 2016, people! Stop living in the dark ages! And this isn't helped any by the Trump campaign, which does nothing but get people riled up and start regressing backwards. Is it any wonder people are afraid and worried?

Additionally, we found out today that Prince passed away at only 57 years old. This hasn't been a very good year for celebrity deaths. Why can't Death take less likable people? I shouldn't say that, though...
snapdragon76: Zach rocking the 360 cameras at the MTV Movie Awards (Zach 360)
I'm trying very hard to not be annoyed right now. My car isn't working due to issues with the brakes. And when you only have one car, it kinda limits you.

While there have been a few nice people who have taken us for errands and the like, but there's still a limit to even what they can do.

Even though I have a part-time job now, I still don't have the money to get it fixed. So I'm pretty much stuck at home. And that's a problem. Not only is it the catalyst for massive cabin fever, but I can't do things that I need to do, like getting my allergy shots and doctor appointments to go to. I just have to figure out what to do.

Additionally, I'm kind of in a holding pattern with my job prospects. I realize it's getting close to the end of the school year, so there isn't going to be a ton of focus on new hires right now, but I have to figure something out so I know if I need to move and getting all of that taken care of. Plus, I have student loans due soon, so that's another problem I have weighing on me.

Why do children want to be adults so much? It kinda sucks...

I'm trying to stay positive, but it's not easy. Especially when you're like me and have Anxiety. It's not a good combination...
snapdragon76: this is made of win and awesome (Default)
Just a brief update for those who might not have seen on my Facebook.

There was (is) a job opening for a librarian at a high school in Knoxville that I applied for last Friday. I haven't heard anything yet, so I'm trying not to be too worried since it's been only a week since I sent in my application (all online, of course). I'm hoping things will be in my favor, since I think I'd like it. I dunno if I'd be going in as a co-librarian with the current one, or as the only one. The posting wasn't that clear. It may be a bit premature, but I've even started looking for housing in the South Knoxville area where the school is located.

Now, I'm not gonna count my chickens before they've hatched or anything, just trying to be a bit proactive. I'm not gonna do much of anything aside from do some looking until I know for sure what'd going to happen. I wish I knew what was going on, however. This state of limbo frustrates me so much.

But, I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude overall. I'm still looking at other areas, but the pickings are mighty thin, especially around here. While there are lots of teaching positions open, librarians are few and far between. Mostly because most schools only have one, maybe two. And my school loan payments are due starting in July. I need to get a deferment if possible.

I did get a part-time job online recently. I signed a NDA, so I can't go into much detail, but I basically spend four hours (with a few breaks in between) using a proprietary client and rate social media advertisements using a set of guidelines established by the company. It can be somewhat tedious, but it'll be good for some extra money, so that'll help. Plus, there's a lot of movies coming out this summer that I want to see, so having some extra cash on hand would be handy. Once I get my permanent job, I'll have to quit, since I won't have the time to do it for extra income, but for now, it'll do.

Spring is here, kinda. The weather has started to warm up and the flowering trees have started to bloom all over. Lots of cherry trees, pear trees and tulip magnolia trees in the area. Mom and I went to the library and took some pictures since it has some nice trees there and we plan on going to a park this weekend to see what else has started blooming. I did see some daffodils here and there and I hope to be able to take pics of them at some point.

So that's what's been going on so far in a nutshell. Things are a bit slow. Mom is doing more things with the card group she goes to on Mondays. Stuff like karaoke nights and dominoes. I'm glad she's getting out and doing some more things with people.
snapdragon76: this is made of win and awesome (Default)
I started a new part-time job Thursday. It's an online one and it's four hours per day. I signed a NDA so I can't go into too much detail, but it's basically doing search engine assessments for a company. I have to make sure that the search query that people search for in Google, come up with the right results and if they're for commerce products or not. Barring any technical issues, I should be OK. I couldn't work Friday because there were no queries in the queue to assess. Not a good start for my second day. Hopefully this week will be better...

Still on the hunt for a career type job. The PT job is nice for a few extra coin, but it's not a career. Besides, there's no way I could make my student loan payments with it. Hopefully, more openings will come up as the school year comes to an end. I want a high school, ideally, because it's the type of books I read and I can relate a little more to the students. Plus, I wouldn't have to do a lot of actual teaching. I almost had a nervous break down when I had to teach a class of sixth graders, and that was only one lesson! Yikes!

The university had a comic-con that I tried to go to. Turns out you need to have a valid student ID in order to get in for free. Sadly, I did not have the fee to pay for admittance. But, I was able to get some pictures of cosplayers, so it wasn't a total loss. I didn't want to hang around too long because I didn't want to come off as a creeper. I dunno what'll happen next year if I'll even be in the area to go next year. I guess we'll see.

Not much else has been happening. Mom has been doing a lot more stuff with the cronies from her card group, which I'm glad. Neither one of us tends to get out much, especially since we don't go outside to do any work. Maybe once the weather gets a little nicer and I have a little more money in my pocket, we can do some more things.

I saw my GI doctor on Friday. Things are pretty much status quo, which I was happy to hear. I do need to schedule my colonoscopy soon within the next few months. That'll be fun... I don't want to do it so close to the 4th of July like last time, or near my birthday. That'd be a bummer of a birthday, I tell ya.
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